Worst Neighbours I have ever had

...They're getting worse. They stay up late, they fight, they're loud and obnoxious, they're the worst upstairs neighbours I have ever had. Except there is no upstairs, and they're raccoons. Yesterday I was almost convinced that the raccoons had moved out and bears had moved in and were using the ceiling above my living room to hold tryouts for the ultimate fighting champion. Almost, but I know raccoons better than that. If there is anything I have learned, raccoons are cheapskates. They know free room and board when they see it, throw in cable and wifi, and I don't need any expert to tell me what I already know. Cheapskates.